4 Days Before Armageddon

Yeah…a bit dramatic, but…

So, why is it that in these precious minutes before the storm hits full throttle, I find myself in this all-too-comfortable “new post” layout on WordPress?

I’m so scared. I am so anxious, and I’m so frightened. I was reviewed past WordPress blog posts, trying to find one that wrote along the lines of, “OMG, I’M IN MEDICAL SCHOOL. NEVER FORGET THIS IS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN EVER!” But alas, I did not find one…Note to self, write down more those times when I’m thankful.

I was talking to Noemi yesterday, and legit, I can say this with no abandon, but I have never worked so hard for anything in my entire life this past year, and especially these past weeks.

In this world of medicine, there is no conclusiveness, no ending…there’s always something more to do, another practice question, somewhere, you can do. There is always something to learn, always some way that some person is ahead of the game. So, in this sea of pressure and anxiety, and self-consciousness where do you find peace?

It’s scary how much just one year of medical school can change you.

I ask myself how I could possibly do this. How is it that this can be achieved with merely 24 hours in a day?

I was just talking to someone, and he asked me, “What can I do to make you happy right now?” I was really surprised because we were talking about something light, but I guess the stress is written all over my face without me even knowing. Literally, when I ask people to pray for me, I’m so tempted to grab their shoulder and follow up with, “No, but I, like, REALLY want you to pray. Like, kneeling, pray for me.”

Yeah…May this post be a witness to itself. If I get out of this alive, it will be huge. If anything, I know that I have tenacity; it’s what got me into medical school and kept me trucking through undergrad. Tenacity. I would like to think this is a spiritual gift, etched into me by previous practice.

Okay, Esther. Peace….Breathing exercises taught to us by Dr. Lamberton…

Even after all of this, there is nothing else that I would do. It’s this hardship that makes this worth it, and makes me feel so privileged that GOD , who knows my weakness to the fullest, believed that I can do this. Even with all of this, my life is so enviable. May I do it the justice, then, by putting my all into this work.

Okay, I feel a lot better. But seriously, prayers please. It would mean the world to me. Thanks~

2 thoughts on “4 Days Before Armageddon

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