May I join in on this cacophony of WordPress posts with one of my own?
Let’s skip the formalities and just get into it then, shall we?
I’ve been feeling tremendously blessed lately. I’ve made a few close girlfriends these past few weeks (an answered prayer) and have adopted a more sunny disposition lately. It all started with a meeting with my academic counselor (ding ding, for all you LLU medical students, a name should pop up into your mind). She’s been great, and she helped me to see that I have a bad habit of paralyzing myself with fears that are unwarranted. Like for example, I’m so afraid for my academics, but why? I’m passing all my classes so….why do I worry so much? Not only this, but my habit is living in the future, and it totally disables me when I fear about all the things that can go wrong, when, if fact, it hasn’t even happened yet.
Knowing this, it’s time to clean up my brain a little bit. Let loose of thoughts that are dragging me down. Those thoughts that I don’t even really need to be thinking about, things that I can do nothing about or won’t help the situation by giving it more brain time.
It really hit me today when I had breakfast with Jenny and we were catching each other up in our lives. I said something that wasn’t the kindest, and post-breakfast, driving back, I was thinking, “Why do I let myself be held captive by thoughts such as these? Why do I let it bother me?” I keep thinking that in thinking about it, I have an upper edge on the situation, and that I’m on top of it. But, in reality, I’m not any more stronger because I hold onto them, I’m not moving anymore forward by it, nor am I better in any way in holding onto things that effect my mood for the worst and make me feel bad.
More than anything, I guess this post is a kind of decision to myself. I don’t have to hold onto everything, I can let things go. My hurts, anger, worries, stresses, definitions, I don’t need to hoard it all. I can release.
I’ve been reading The Alchemist, and there is one story in the book where someone goes to an elder and asks what is the secret to happiness. the elder gives the man a spoon of oil, then tells the man to make sure not one drop spills by the next day. The man comes to the elder, oil in tact. The elder asks the man if he noticed the amazing tapestries in the marketplace, if he noticed the breeze that comes through each day to the city, what he thought of the amazing foods that lined the market. The man replies that he has not been able to enjoy those things because he was focused on the oil. The elder says to remember to look at these things and tells him to come in the next day. The next day, the man enjoys the tapestries in the market, enjoys the breeze that runs through the city, and tastes the wonderful delicacies of the market and comes back to the elder, oil spilt. The elder says that happiness is when you remember to take in all the wonders of life while still remembering to take care of the oil.
If that, then, is happiness, I want to let go of those disabling thoughts that I would much rather substitute with things that make me happy and leave me with wonder.